Thursday, December 30, 2010

dont ever blame me!

What ever happen now
Don't you ever blame me
What ever happen me and her
Don't you ever dare blame me
What ever happen now
That's all because of your short minded thinking
You think that it is as easy as the wave hit the shore
And the footprint fade away easily
And the sands seems untouchable
Don't you ever blame me
Or ever question me
Coz it is always your fault
And the worse
It is never gonna back to what it had before
And bcoz of that
I never forgive you

Saturday, December 25, 2010

25 DECEMBER 2010

It's 25th Dec
and it"s more than Merry X-Mas
coz it is your birthday Dad!

Happy Birthday my dear gorgeous lovely Dad!
thanks for always pemper me
hahahhaha
thanks for always supporting me
thanks for always be there for me

I LOVE U DAD!

p/s: xleh nk wat wish lame2 sbb ibu da bising..ok

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

should i trust you?

When everything seem to fall apart
And what I heard and what I saw
And what I felt
Seem so tru
And suddenly
There you are
Ready for explaination
Why did you take so long to go straight through my eyes
And spill everything out?
And make me in the state of nowhere
Coz what I saw and what I heard
Didn't match at all
But to be honest
I don't know should I believe you
Coz you are seem so Right when you are in front of me
But then
Everything feels like before
I do wanna trust
But please
Don't lie to me
Coz if I can't believe you
Then I don't know who should I trust about your real feeling

Your Guardian Angel

When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Friday, November 19, 2010

hilang

Saya hilang
Bile org yg saya percaya lebih brpihak pd dia,sy harus menutup diri.
Saya doakan mereka bahagia..amin..

Thursday, October 14, 2010

dark cloud

Slowly forgetting you
Slowly cherish my day
Slowly being strong
Slowly stop pretend to be ok
Coz I'm gonna be ok!

Monday, September 20, 2010

hari cHupA chUps sedunia

I love chupa chups
And yesterday I feel like I wanna eat chupa chups after a long time I don't eat it..I bought two chupa chups..blue and pink..I give the blue one to you.hope you can enjoy it just like I'm enjoying mine..
I have sweet memories with chupa chups..how I met chupa chups,how I addict, and how I admire the person who introduce me to chupa chups..for me,chupa chups is full of love..hehe

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

puasa di tapen

  1. pengalaman mengemudi kereta 4 roda dari surabaya ke tapen..padahal xpenah pun drive kat surabaya..just penah drive sket2 je tym sll pegi rumah abg awi and kak siti dulu2..siap ada 'tapen drift' gara2 kat sini byk lori angkut tebu plus lori xsedar body bwak ape ntah..
  2. pengalaman naek keta yg rosak dan ditarik oleh pickup..kelakar jugak..haha
  3. pengalaman naek angkut and naek bas dari jombang ke kabuh selepas anta kereta ke bengkel..besyukur gile ade kepala puskesmas yg sgt membantu..huhu..maafkan lah kitorg yg byk nyusahkan doc..hehhe
  4. pengalaman naek ambulan selama 2 hari gara2 xde kenderaan..hhuhu..masuk bengkel la katekan...
  5. pengalaman tarawikh bersama dengan pak bupati Jombang..naek feymes kami sbb lepas tarawikh tu ade la ucapan sket dari pak lurah...die leh gi announce ade dokter muda dari malaysia..adoyaii..time kasih la bg kami feymes..pastu pak bupati bg ucapan pn, siap masukkan sekali pasal hubungan baek antara msia-indonesia and diorang perlu la belajar yg baek2 darei malaysia..haha..rasenye kami mmbawa kesan positif pada masyarakat di situ di tengah2 konflik malaysia-indonesia..ibarat duta keamanan bagi malaysia..hehe..siap last tu pak bupati kuar masjid, die pegi ke kami dan bersalaman dgn kami,cam kami lak yg VVIp..haha..
  6. owh..ni la pertama kali saya berpuasa di surabaya dan berat saya turun..walaupun xbanyak,ade la dlm sekilo dua, tapi ni sume sbb duk kat tapen..cube sepanjang puasa kat surabaya,sure makin naek..haha..
  7. saya belajar berbuka secara bersederhana..mungkin kerana berbuka dengan 6org kawan yg laen..jadi lauk harus kongsi banyak2..klu kat umah ni,sure leh demand nk ayam paling besar or ayam peha..tp kat sini, xleh nak memilih camtu...makan ape ade nye he,even diorang ni selalu masak bukan maen resepi nye..huhu..mungkin tu la sbbnye agak turun berat ku..hahha
  8. saya rindu kamu sangat2..huuhuhuh..xtahu nape..walaupun kadang2 da terbiasa even dekat tapi xmsg or xjumpe,tapi terasa tapen-sumobito sangat jauh..huuhu..seyes rindu kamu!

kami ke tapen dari 17/8 hingga 2/9 dalam rangka Community Medicine..jadi kami kne kerja di puskesmas tapen dan juga menyiapkan laoran yg berjumlah 6..waaaa...gile banyak kan..well, alhamdulillah kami berada di Tapen, desa yg sangat kecil yg mengadap sungai brantas yg sangat luas dan panjang, desa dengan penduduk yg ramah yg menerima kami di tempat mereka..puskesmas yg sangat bes sbb tidak strict..haha..kepala puskesmas yg sangat memahami dan memahami student..sangat baek smpi ajak kami berbuka di rumahnye(even sebenarnye kami yg bg idea), yg ajak kami berbuka di luar juga dan jalan2...huhu..die seperti bapak angkat kami saja..huu..tapi lusa da nak balik da..yg baek di sini akan saya igt smpi bila2,dan yg buruk akan saya tinggalkan di sini,dan saya jadikn pelajaran dalam kehidupan..semakin lama saya di clinical posting, doa saya terutamanya, saya sangat berharap saya sentiasa menjadi doktor y lebih baek..berguna bagi masyarakat dan tidak menyusahkan..semoga Allah bisa membimbing saya..Amin~

SALAM RAMADHAN SEMUA~
From Tapen With Love

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

puasa???

sudah bersediakah anda berpuasa???
terus terang-terbuntang saya cakap saya xbersedia...hehe..ntah la..cam xde feel je tibe2 esok puasa..tapi semoga saya mampu menjalaninya..
bukan ape, saya ni ade masalah dalam mengingat yang saya puasa,terutama hari pertama atau kedua atau ketiga puasa..heheheh
teringat zaman sekola rendah dulu..
darjah tiga xsalah..da la time tu da jadi pengawas..hari pertama puasa tu..kat sekola maintain lagik xmakan..kantin pun sediakan makanan tuk budak2 india ngan cina je..
pastu balik sekola..jeng-jeng-jeng...besala depan sekola satu deret tu kedai apek..kedai apek jual eskrem la..jual asam la..jual keropok la..heaven gila balik sekola..then, saya dengan selamba jalan2 la kat kedai apek..sementara nak tunggu ayah saya jemput..saya dulu2 suka makan asam kulit limau..fuh..best!wangi!saya pun beli satu..pastu kuar la dari kedai apek,duk kat kaki lima kedai..depan tu pulak bas sekola baru sampai..budak2 penuh da cam tin sardin..saya dengan selamba bukak asam tu dan makan dengan penuh nikmat..tibe2 sedara saya yg ade atas bas terus jengukkan pale die keluar bas, terus gi jerit, "ZULAIKA TAK PUASA YEEEEEEE!!!!"
saya pun pandang muka dia, muka org2 laen, langsung sorokkan limau dan lari..hahhha..cess..lupe lak da start puasa!!

kesah kedua ni lucu la..xde apepun sebenarnye..time tu darjah 2 kot..besa la bangun sahur..then kecik2 dulu kan makan champs la,appeton la..so before nak tido balik,saya pun budak baek,makan la champs perisa oren sebelum sambung tido..pastu ibu kejut bangun pagi nak pegi sekola..saya bangun tido je,gosok2 mata, tibe2 terasa eh!ada champs lg sket dalam mulut ni..sesaat sebelum nak bangkit dari katil je, dengan selamba nya aku menelan champs tu..ngahahhha...da telan,da mandi, da gi sekola..baru terpikir...xpe ke saya menelan champs tadi??hahahhahahahhahaha...
zulaika zulaika..hopefully da bear ni xbuat lg perangai cmni..
ha...tapi kan da besar ni laen lak perangai nye..xde kaitan da dengan makanan..klu lupe,rezeki la kan..tapi pe'el sekarang ni, setiap pagi selepas mandi, lepas bersihkan muka,korek tinge dengan cotton bud adalah rutin!klu xde taik tinge pun, paling mengringkan saluran tinge saya sbb pas mandi je rasa basah..huhuhu...besok da start xleh korek tinge pagi2..huhuhu..hopefully saya ingat!

kepada semua muslim di dunia!selamat berpuasa!marilah sama2 kita tingkatkan ibadah dan amalan kita..semoga semuanya diberkati~
saya pun mohon maaf klu saya ade buat salah..ngehngehngeh..saya kan nakal..tapi saya janji nakal saya disorokkn sempena bulan puasa~


mulut, jangan la kau berkata yang tidak perlu dan tidak baik!
hati, janganla kau penuh hasad dengki dan iri!
akal, jangan la kau berpikiran yang sia-sia!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

mimpi tingkat tinggi

malam tadi saya mimpi
suatu mimpi yang sangat dahsyat
bile bangun tido terasa penat
seperti saya mengikuti suatu journey yg sgt melelahkan
tapi
bile bangun
baru saya rasa mimpi itu seakan memberi saya ruang untuk melampiaskan amarah saya pada seseorang
saya mimpi saya adalah vampire
saya da bersuami, dan di tgh2 cerita baru saya tahu saya ada anak kecik
baby saya comel
tapi ini soal pertarungan dengan werewolf
seperti dalam cerita inception
kite xkan pernah ingat awal dari mimpi kita
begitu juga saya
tapi plg saya igt part di mana saya dan suami minum suatu jamu,eh silap
suatu ramuan dari werewolf yg baut tenaga kitorg berganda2 berbanding werewolf
nak dijadikan cerita part saya melampiaskn amarah tu
di tengah2 cerita
kami berjaya menawan bini salah sorang werewolf
tapi xtahu kenapa
dalam mimpi saya die seperti goblet
gemok sangat dan pendek
dan boleh je tiba2 die berusaha menggoda suami saya dengan alasan dari dulu die asyik menggoda suami saya
ah, kau, langsung kne penendang aku masuk balik dalam kandang
fuhhh
sangat puas hati
tapi part paling best
adalah part last2 minute dalam mimpi dimana
sang suami pegi mengejar para werewolf dengan senjata kiri kanan
dalam hujan renyai
siap melompat dengan sangat tinggi melepasi pagar
owh, kita kan vampire
sure tenaga kita hebat
then ntah camna sang suami tiba2 memerrlukan bantuan
saya langsung mengambil senjata darinya dan langsung bunuh para2 werewolf yg macam goblet tu
fuhhh
banagun tido terus kagum dengan diri sendiri
terer nye tembak orang dlm mimpi
cam snipper lak aku ni
sekian..

p/s: aku rasa aku leh jadi arkitek dalam inception tu..
seyes aku rasa aku mampu..
ngahahaha
xoxo

Sunday, August 1, 2010

[totto-chan] THE LITTLE GIRL AT THE WINDOW

The reason Mother was worried was because although Totto-chan had only just started school,
she had already been expelled. Fancy being expelled from the first grade!
It had happened only a week ago. Mother had been sent for by Totto-chan’s homeroom teacher,
who came straight to the point. “Your daughter disrupts my whole class. I must ask you to take
her to another school.” The pretty young teacher sighed. “I’m really at the end of my tether.”
Mother was completely taken aback. What on earth did Totto-chan do to disrupt the whole class,
she wondered!
Blinking nervously and touching her hair, cut in a short pageboy style, the teacher started to
explain. “Well, to begin with, she opens and shuts her desk hundreds of times. I’ve said that no
one is to open or shut their desk unless they have to take something out or put something away.
So your daughter is constantly taking something out and putting something away - taking out or
putting away her notebook, her pencil box, her textbooks, and everything else in her desk. For
instance, say we are going to write the alphabet, your daughter opens her desk, takes out her
notebook, and bangs the top down. Then she opens her desk again, puts her head inside, gets our
a pencil, quickly shuts the desk, and writes an ‘A.’ If she’s written it badly or made a mistake she
opens the desk again, gets out an eraser, shuts the desk, erases the letter, then opens and shuts the desk again to put away the eraser–all at top speed. When she’s written the ‘A’ over again, she puts every single item back into the desk, one by one. She puts away the pencil, shuts the desk,then opens it again to put away the notebook. Then, when she gets to the next letter, she goes through it all again–first the note-book, then the pencil, then the eraser–opening and shutting her desk every single time. It makes my head spin. And I can’t scold her because she opens and shuts it each time for a reason.”
The teacher’s long eyelashes fluttered even more as if she were reliving the scene in her mind.
It suddenly dawned on Mother why Totto-chan opened and shut her desk so often. She
remembered how excited Totto-chan had been when she came home from her first day at school.
She had said, “School’s wonderful! My desk at home has drawers you pull out, but the one at
school has a top you lift up. It’s like a box, and you can keep all sorts of things inside. It’s super!”
Mother pictured her delightedly opening and shutting the lid of this new desk. And Mother didn’t think it was all that naughty either. Anyway, Totto-chan would probably stop doing it as soon as the novelty wore off. But all she said to the teacher was, “I’ll speak to her about it.”
The teacher’s voice rose in pitch as she continued, “I wouldn’t mind if that was all.”
Mother flinched as the teacher leaned forward.
“When she’s not making a clatter with her desk, she’s standing up. All through class!”
“Standing up! Where?” asked Mother, surprised.
“At the window,” the teacher replied crossly.
“Why does she stand at the window?” Mother asked, puzzled.
“So she can invite the street musicians over!” she almost shrieked.
The gist of the teacher’s story was that after an hour of almost constantly banging her desk top,
Totto-chan would leave her desk and stand by the window, looking out. Then, just as the teacher
was beginning to think that as long as she was quiet she might just as well stay there, Totto-chan
would suddenly call out to a passing band of garishly dressed street musicians. To Totto-chan’s
delight and the teacher’s tribulation, the classroom was on the ground floor looking out on the
street. There was only a low hedge in between, so anyone in the classroom could easily talk to
people going by. When Totto-chan called to them, the street musicians would come right over to
the window. Whereupon, said the teacher, Totto-chan would announce the fact to the whole
room, “Here they are!” and all the children would crowd by the window and call out to the
musicians.
“Play something,” Totto-chan would say, and the little band, which usually passed the school
quietly, would put on a rousing performance for the pupils with their clarinet, gongs, drums, and
samisen, while the poor teacher could do little but wait patiently for the din to stop.
Finally, when the music finished, the musicians would leave and the students would go back to
their seats. All except Totto-chan. When the teacher asked, “Why are you still at the window?”
Totto-chan replied, quite seriously, “Another band might come by. And, anyway, it would be
such a shame if the others came back and we missed them.”
“You can see how disruptive all this is, can’t you?” said the teacher emotionally. Mother was
beginning to sympathize with her when she began again in an even shriller voice, “And then,
besides…
“What else does she do?” asked Mother, with a sinking feeling.
“What else?” exclaimed the teacher. “If I could even count the things she does I wouldn’t be
asking you to take her away.”
The teacher composed herself a little, and looked straight at Mother. “Yesterday, Totto-chan was standing at the window as usual, and I went on with the lesson thinking she was just waiting for the street musicians, when she suddenly called out to somebody, ‘What are you doing!’ From
where I was I couldn’t see who she was taking to, and I wondered what was going on. Then she
called out again, ‘What are you doing!’ She wasn’t addressing anyone in the road but somebody
high up somewhere. I couldn’t help being curious, and tried to hear the reply, but there wasn’t
any. In spite of that, your daughter kept on calling out, ‘What are you doing?’ so often I couldn’t
teach, so I went over to the window to see who your daughter was talking to. When I put my
head out of the window and looked up, I saw it was a pair of swallows making a nest under the
classroom eaves. She was talking to the swallows! Now, I understand children, and so I’m not
saying that talking to swallows is nonsense. It is just that I feel it is quite unnecessary to ask
swallows what they are doing in the middle of class.”
Before Mother could open her mouth to apologize, the teacher went on, “Then there was the
drawing class episode. I asked the children to draw the Japanese flag, and all the others drew it
correctly but your daughter started drawing the navy flag - you know the one with the rays.
Nothing wrong with that, I thought. But then she suddenly started to draw a fringe all around it.
A fringe! You know, like those fringes on youth group banners. She’s probably seen one
somewhere. But before I realized what she was doing, she had drawn a yellow fringe that went
right off the edge of the paper and onto her desk. You see, her flag took up most of the paper, so
there wasn’t enough room for the fringe. She took her yellow crayon and all around her flag she
made hundreds of strokes that extended beyond the paper, so that when she lifted up the paper
her desk was a mass of dreadful yellow marks that wouldn’t come off no matter how hard we
rubbed. Fortunately, the lines were only on-three sides.”
Puzzled, Mother asked quickly, “What do you mean, only three sides!”
Although she seemed to be getting tired, the teacher was kind enough to explain. “She drew a
flagpole on the left, so the fringe was only on three sides of the flag.”
Mother felt somewhat relieved. “I see, only on three sides.”
Whereupon the teacher said very slowly, emphasizing each word, “But most of the flagpole went
off the paper, too, and is still on the desk as well.”
Then the teacher got up and said coldly, as a sort of parting shot, “I’m not the only one who is
upset. The teacher in the classroom next door has also had trouble.”
Mother obviously had to do something about it. It wasn’t fair to the other pupils. She’d have to
find another school, a school where they would understand her little girl and teach her how to get
along with other people.
The school they were on their way to was one Mother had found after a good deal of searching.
Mother did not tell Totto-chan she had been expelled. She realized Totto-chan wouldn’t
understand what she had done wrong and she didn’t want her to get any complexes, so she
decided not to tell Totto-chan until she was grown-up. All Mother said was, “How would you
like to go to a new school! I’ve heard of a very nice one.”
“All right,” said Totto-chan, after thinking it over.
“But…”
“What is it now?” thought Mother. “Does she realize she’s been expelled?”
But a moment later Totto-chan was asking joyfully, “Do you think the street musicians will come
to the new school?”

Thursday, July 29, 2010

[tetsuko] GADIS KECIL DI JENDELA

sape2 yang kenal saya dari dulu
sure tahu kalau nickname saya adalah tetsuko
bagi siapa2 yg xtahu dari mana asal usul nama tersebut
meh saya nak cite
and saya sangat suke klu orang laen pun leh merasakan apa yang saya rasa
saya sangat SUKE! bile 1st tym saya bace buku cite die kat library sekola tym form 2
pastu nickname saya terus melekat sampai skrg
saya sangat kagum
dan saya harap sgt saya pn leh buat org laen suke dgn cerita tersebut
saya xjumpe lg yg versi melayu pas saya abes sekola
tp sejak di surabaya
saya da beli buku die versi indonesia
and satu lagi buku tentang die sewaktu die menjadi duta UNICEF
buku ni tentang die,
tetsuko kuroyanagi
yang menulis tentang kesah hidupnye sewaktu perang dunia 2

meh saya kongsi bersama dgn para pembaca sekalian
tp ini yg english version!
enjoy!!


[THE RAILROAD STATION]

They got off the Oimachi train at Jiyugaoka Station, and Mother took Totto-chan by the hand to
lead her through the ticket gate. She had hardly ever been on a train before and was reluctant to
give up the precious ticket she was clutching.
“May I keep it!” Totto-chan asked the ticket collector.
“No, you can’t,” he replied, taking it from her.
She pointed to his box filled with tickets. “Are those all yours!”
“No, they belong to the railroad station,” he replied, as he snatched away tickets from people
going out.
“Oh.” Totto-chan gazed longingly into the box and went on, “When I grow up I’m going to sell
railroad tickets!”
The ticket collector glanced at her for the first time. “My little boy wants a job in the station, too,
so you can work together.”
Totto-chan stepped to one side and took a good look at the ticket collector. He was plump and
wore glasses and seemed rather kind.
“Hmm.” She put her hands on her hips and carefully considered the idea. “I wouldn’t mind at all
working with your son,” she said. “I’ll think it over. But I’m rather busy just now as I’m on my
way to a new school.”
She ran to where Mother waited, shouting, “I’m going to be a ticket seller!”
Mother wasn’t surprised, but she said, “I thought you were going to be a spy.”
As Totto-chan began walking along holding Mother’s hand, she remembered that until the day
before she had been quite sure she wanted to be a spy.
But what fun it would be to be in charge of a box full of tickets!
“That’s it!” A splendid idea occurred to her. She looked up at Mother and informed her of it at
the top of her voice, “Couldn’t I be a ticket seller who’s really a spy!”
Mother didn’t reply. Under her felt hat with its little flowers, her lovely face was serious. The
fact was Mother was very worried. What if they wouldn’t have Totto-chan at the new school!
She looked at Totto-chan skipping along the road chattering to herself. Totto-chan didn’t know
Mother was worried, so when their eyes met, she said gaily, “I’ve changed my mind. I think I’ll
join one of those little bands of street musicians who go about advertising new stores!”
There was a touch of despair in Mother’s voice as she said, “Come on, we’ll be late. We mustn’t
keep the headmaster waiting. No more chatter. Look where you’re going and walk properly.”
Ahead of them, in the distance, the gate of a small school was gradually coming into view.

to be continued....

Sunday, July 18, 2010

that's all matter

kau dan aku memang banyak perbezaan..dan memang benar, kau dan aku adalah suatu perbezaan..ape yang aku inginkan tampaknya bukan sesuatu yang engkau suka, dan apa yang kau memang selalu lakukan, bukan lah sesuatu yang aku suka juga..
tapi aku tetap...hurm..mengalah.....

ada orang suka bila sayang kau tunjukkan dengan kata-kata, dan ada orang pula suka bila kau tunjukkan dengan perbuatan..apa sebenarnya yang kau suka?
ada orang pula suka bila kau tunjukkan dengan kata-kata, dikuatkan lagi dengan perbuatan..
ape lagi bila 'orang' itu adalah perempuan..memanjakan dia adalah skill yang harus kau miliki..
tapi ape yang aku suka pula?
aku perempuan.,sudah tentu aku suka yang terakhir..tunjukkan dengan kata-kata, dikuatkan lagi dengan perbuatan..
dan kau lelaki, ada macam2 jenis..ada yang suka tunjuk dengan kata-kata yang lebih, tapi tidak perbuatan..ada yang balance, bila suka guna kata-kata, kau suka juga guna perbuatan..tapi ada pula yang memang takkan pernah guna kata-kata, tapi sangat suka guna perbuatan..

memang nasib la kan sapa dapat yang terakhir tu..xtahu la nasib baek atau nasib buruk..tapi semua nya da kelebihan..dan tergantung kau, perempuan nak menilainya..bagi aku yang macam da beradaptasi dengan yang terakhir tu, walaupun hati ni kadang2 meronta2 jugak la nak yang balance penggunaannya..
ade orang susah nak lafazkan those '3sacredwords' coz bagi mereka, hanya bila sesuatu keadaan sahaj mereka menggunakannya supaya kata2 itu, bila digunakan terasa sangat bermakna.. boleh kata berjanggut jugak la bila nak tunggu perkataan 'i love you' ' i miss you'..
tapi adakah bila perkataan2 itu tidak diucapkan, maksudnye mereka xsayang??

suatu hari saya xde selera nak makan..dari pg sampai petang sy xnak makan..xde selera, ditambah dengan kamu yang buat perangai di dalam inbox..akhirnya kamu tanye saya, ' da mkan?nnt makan ye..' dan saya dengan berang dan tanpa pikir panjang langsung mereply, ' why you care?do you really care?' owh, saya sangat kejam ok..then, no reply..i knew im being harsh..but i need to know..do you really care by saying, 'yes, i care'..im being childish or what?marah lagi sbb sms x di reply..but ontheway back home, he asked again..' tadi still xmakan kn?nak makan x?' dengan ego nye,' xmau makan'..ok,die senyap lg..xmau melanjutkan pertanyaan..dan saya pula mengharapkan lanjutan pertanyaan atau pujukan...dalam hati sudah panas..tapi akhirnya, tiba-tiba saja, 'nak makan x ni?depan tu ada nasi padang..kite beli bungkus bawak balik eh?'...tanpa memikir panjang, takut tidak ada pertanyaan lanjutan, langsung saja perut ini berkata,' nak, tp duit xde'...die senyap, langsung benti depan kedai makan nasi padang..langsung masuk, die suruh order, dan akhirnye die bayar..

at that moment, i just realize, i dont care if hard for you to say those words, i dont care, as long as i know that you love me..it would be more painful if you say it but didnt mean it..
i know u love me, i know you care..and that's all matter..coz i know, we are different, yet you stil love me..


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

...kelu...

saya rasa saya sudah banyak kali tak kesah
tapi saya rasa kali ni
saya nak gtau jugak
even orang nak pandang saya camne
sebab selama ni saya malu je nak luah
tapi kali ni
saya nak cakap
yang
saya nak dengan awak
dan saya tak kira!


Sunday, July 11, 2010

SURGERY DEPARTMENT


berakhir sudah rotation ku di surgery..2bulan=8 minggu= 8subdepartment..sangat tidak terasa..sangat best..but life must go on..act, dari awal,aku sgt harap surgery ni rotation yg last2..sbb rasa sgt tidak bersedia bile masuk surgery padahal baru lalu forensik and ophtalmology..tapi bersedia ke tidak, tetap harus harungi..di bedah la aku byk belajar..even waktu kat forensik and mata dl,still malu2 nak tanye..tapi kat bedah ni, baru berani nak tanye..sbb aku da belajar,klu x tanye,kite xkan tahu..[sbnrnye ada udang di sebalik mee bile rajin tny doc]..
ini urutan aku nye group..neurosurgery, orthopaedy and traumatology, digestive surgery, paedi surgery, head neck and oncology, thorax-cardio-vascular,urology and lastly, plastic surgery..
wanna know my fevret?? goes to NEUROSURGERY AND DIGESTIVE..

hehe..neurosurgery...sangat best sbb doc anggap kite cam xtahu pape je..so xsalah cam nak tanye dari soklan basic..sbb di neuro,mmg doc xexpect lebih..yg penting,harus tahu GCS(glasgow coma scale), tahu tentang intracranial haemorrhage and penting juga, tahu camne nak bace ctscan..sgt best sbb saya faham..and membuatkan saya teringin nak masuk neurosurgery..haha..angan2 setinggi bintang di langit..
then,digestive..ehem..ni faktor doc nye..hehe..sbb doc yg saya minat ade kat situ..ngeh2..alasan xleh blah..bukan ape..sbb dekat digestive la,staf(dr.spesialis yg mengajar) sempat memberi kata2 semangat..baca x post saya pasal 'take a break"?tym tu saya kat digestive..
but,keseluruhannya, saya sgt suke doc2 bedah..bukan saja diorg ni plg cool, keren,smart,plg high tech,tp diorg nye pemikiran..haha..sbb tu diorg jd dr.bedah kot..even cara diorg cakap kebanyakannya pasal doc bedah, tapi tetap sama implikasinye klu kite sbg dr.umum..
masuk bedah, semangat jd membara..membuatkan kite jd semangat nk merawat org..tp bile tgk doc2 yg tgh ambik specialist, terasa mcm xde life sgt..hidup di hospital je..xtahu bile diorg balik umah..mane yg bukan dar surabaya, sggup tggalkan anak and bini semata2 nk belaja bedah..
even staf 2 da kaya2 gile nak mati, tp diorg xpenah belagak..even kadang2 kuarkan henset sekali 5..huhu..tp niat diorg..saya sangat kagum!mampukah hati nurani saya mcm tu jugak?sy tertanya2..

well,ni ada gambar x-ray tapak kaki(pedis)..tahu x,gamabr ni tym tu saya tgh jaga kat emergency unit..ada patient yg accident, luka kat kaki sampai nampk tulang die and patah..so sy tgh tolong doc ni pasangkan wire(pinning) kat kaki die..tp respect la kat bapak ni..die leh tahan sakit..gile la..bius sket ke kat kaki die..ape yg sy sgt hepi, korang nmpk x ade due wire tu??ha, utk kaki kelingking tu, act,setengah dar wire tu,adalah hasil kerja saya mendrill masuk wire tersebut ke dlm tulang..hehe..selamat tepat masuk dlm tulang..suke bukan maen..hehe..
owh,tp saya tidak suka prthopaedi ok..bukan sbb ape, sbb pengalaman buruk waktu di sane, yet tetap bersyukur,walaupun kne marah je keje, tp doc tu banyak bg nasehat..thanks dr..erwin!

ni gambar kat operation room..perasan x kitorg suk kat lantai?walaupun xboleh sbnrnye..ngehngeh..tym ni dr.asra tgh operate anerysma kat pembuluh darah otak..so pki mikroskop and camera yg disambungkan di tv..ni kitorg tgh ngadap tv sbb nk tgh ape yg ade dlm otak..

sblm masuk bedah,saya da byk kali tgk mayat..tym anatomi sem 2 dl,and tym forensik..tp pengalaman tgk isi dalam badan kite, antara hidup dgn mati, berbeza..owh,sy sbnrnye sgt tidak kesah dgn darah, tp terakhir sy masuk operation room, sy di palstic tym tu,..so tgk peration pasang plate kat tulang muka sbb die patah kat situ..and guess what, tu la 1st tym saya loya and mual..sbb darah die sgt byk and hanyir..sbb klu peration laen, mst pki kauter tuk stop the bleeding..so xbyk darah..
then exam..owh..sy sgt kecut perut..and mmg betul,sy blank waktu exam..sgt tidak mengerti harus bagaimana..huhu..tp dapat remedial,so sy harap saya lulus surgery..amin..

kesimpulan yg sy leh bg, sy akan rindukan surgery department..rindukan doc2 nye..rindukn experiences nye..what a tremendous journey in 8weeks!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

exam (T_T)

BESOK EXAM OSCE SURGERY

TAKUTNYE!!!

SEMOGA SAYA SIAP!
SEMOGA SAYA DIBERKATI!
DAN INI MENANDAKAN ROTATION DI SURGERY AKAN BERAKHIR
DAN SAYA AKAN MERINDUKAN abg2 angkat YANG COMEL2
HAHHAHAHHAHAH

NWAY, PRAY FOR ME,GUYS!

p/s: hopefully tonite gonna be the best match and germany will win!
go go GERMANY!!

Friday, July 2, 2010

ECLIPSE

OWH..SEMANGAT GILOS TUKAR BACKGROUND ECLIPSE
XSEDAR NAK EXAM MINGGU DEPAN
TAPI NI LA 1ST TWILIGHT SAGA YG I TGK ON PREMIER SHOW
FUH
GILE SEMANGAT

AND YOU KNOW WHAT
SGT PUAS HATI
MORE HUMORS
AND OF COURSE MORE ROMANCE
HAHAHHA

MEMBUATKAN SAYA XSABAR NAK TUNGGU CITE BREAKING DAWN
XSABAR NAK TENGOK DIORG KAWEN
NGEH NGEH NGEH
BESA LA
MUSIM ORANG KAWEN SKRG

MALAM NI PUN AGAK EXCITED SBB NAK GI RESEPSI KAWAN SATU BATCH KAWEN
NI LA 1ST TIME GI WEDDING MEMBER INDONESIAN
EXCITED SAMPAI SANGGUP TUKAR JAGA
HAHA

XOXO

Thursday, July 1, 2010

rasa itu...

rasa itu datang lagi..
dan buat aku lemas buat seketika..
tapi aku sadari satu hal..
aku sudah tidak kesah lagi..
kenapa sedih harus panjang2..
sedangkan ada banyak kegembiraan untukku..
owh..
aku tak sedih pun..
sebab aku memang sudah tidak kesah lagi..

Monday, June 28, 2010

kau, kenapa harus emosional?


kalau perempuan nak emosional,
aku boleh faham..
itu yang dinamakan hormon

tapi bile lelaki emosional
aku jadi kelu
benda yang aku rasa xpatut ko nak emo
ko emo

kau selalu emo
dan sampai sekarang aku tidak tahu
kenapa kau harus emo?!

sekian..wasalam

Saturday, June 26, 2010

:+: i am your immune system :+:



putus sambung putus sambung
dats what happen to us
tapi sekarang
kite rase kite da makin dewasa

tibe-tibe
kite perasan satu benda
yang kite ni adalah sistem imun kamu
bile kite xde kat sisi kamu
bile kite xendahkan kamu
imun kamu makin lame makin berkurang
sampai kamu sakit
sampai la kite di sisi kamu lagi
sampai la kite peduli kamu lagi
baru imun sistem kamu naek
dan kamu sehat lagi

dan saya percaya
kamu xboleh hidup tanpa saya
bahawa saya memang ada untuk menjaga kamu
bahawa kite xboleh berpisah dengan kamu

kamu
kite sayang kamu sangat
jadi kamu jangan lari lagi ye
sebab saya tahu kamu akan sakit lagi

xoxo

Monday, June 7, 2010

take a break

pepatah cina ada menyebut,
walaupun kau mengangkat sebaldi penuh air dari sungai ke bukit setiap hari,
janganlah sedih kalau bila tiba di bukit,
airmu menjadi separuh.
kerana di sepanjang jalan yang kau lalui setiap hari,
tanpa kau sedari kau telah memberi kehidupan kepada yang ada di sepanjang jalan tersebut..
last week dr.Iwan K.,staf bedah digestif banyak bagi input,yg kebanyakannya bukan untuk otak,tp untuk hati.. dia buatkan saya berfikir,buatkan kami berfikir.
katanya lagi, lebih susah mengajar orang yang tidak bertanya daripada mengajarkan orang yang bertanya.kerana kita xtahu apa yang dia tidak tahu,dan apa yang dia mahu tahu..

saya sgt ingin jadi ahli bedah..keinginan saya muncul walaupun dari pemikiran bahwa saya suka explore apa yang ada di dalam badan kita.
tapi makin dewasa,makin mengenali ilmunya,tantangan jadi mencabar..
dokter berkata lagi,"seorang ahli bedah bukan sahaja harus punya HAND untuk melakukan operasi, bukan takat harus punya HEAD untuk merencanakan operasi, tapi juga harus punya HEART, supaya apa yang kita kerjaan, tidak akan merugikan patient.."
DO NO HARM- dats the principle..patient datang kepada kita dengan memberi kepercayaannya kepada kita, oleh itu jangan sekali2 hilangkan kepercayaannya dengan menambahkan lagi beban yang die telah ada..
dokter selalu pesan lagi, " hormati lah patient kamu, jangan pernah meremehkan mereka, kerana dari mereka la kamu belajar,dari mereka lah kamu mendapat ilmu..kerana merekalah guru kamu.."
ayat2 ini yang sering terngiang2 di telinga saya..dan saya masih berdoa dan berharap agar Allah tidak hilangkan ingatan saya ini,supaya saya tidak lalai.

kalau dulu saya masih meragukan apakah saya mampu di bidang ini,walaupun punya keinginan..dan sampai sekarang kadang2 keraguan itu masih ada..tapi saya masih bersyukur..
saya senang dengan apa yang saya lalui, walaupun sekarang tidak terlalu membantu patient, tp saya rase sekarang saya membantu diri saya sendiri..saya jadi lebih bersyukur..dan saya berdoa saya tidak akan pernah berhenti bersyukur..

orang selalu bertanya best ke x hidup kat indonesia, walaupun banyak yang punya pemikiran negatif, tapi jujur, saya xpernah menyesal, malah dari dulu saya bersyukur.. kerana saya makin tahu tentang kehidupan..merasakan hidup kita susah sedangkan ada yang beribu kali lebih susah..merasakan kadang2 kita xnak hidup sedangkan jutaan yang berjuang untuk hidup..

walaupun kadang2 banyak yang saya xsanggup nak hadapi,takut nak hadapi, namun saya mulai belajar cara untuk melawan bukan dengan cara lari, tapi dengan hadapi nya..

kesimpulannya, saya sangat senang dengan apa yang saya lalui sekarang..my family always support me, and i have friends who always be there for me..
and i know Allah always beside me..and i do pray, i really do, pliz guide me..

p/s: WORLD PEACE

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

:+: happy family :+:

hurm
sejak memulai kehidupan sebagai DM @ dokter muda
gara2 masuk forensik sbg lab pertama and sangat santai,
kami memutuskan utk berfoya2 setelah habes exam..
so,dengan kemudahan sewa kereta,
kami pun sepakat kumpul duit sewa keta sehari tuk jalan2 keliling surabaya..
perancangan sangat mendadak..
so, yang jadi peneraju adalah saya sendiri,nou,thila and aiman..
then huda join the club..
so inilah yg terjadi pada malam nya..

setelah kenyang perut, kami melawat2 singapore of surabaya
ni makanan kami..lepak2 di kahyangan,gwalk,chiputra
ini pula pada keesokan harinya,
nad and aimi join the club pula..
kami makan2 di rumah makan malioboro,tulang ayam renyah
ini adik beradik spastik..
>nou sbg adiksu,thila sbg kaklong,huda sbg adikchik<
nad sbg kakngah and aimi sbg sepupu..haha..apa2 sajalah labu oii
owh,ini kereta sewa kami,xenia..siapa ya driver di sebelah???

then,dengan tiada kerjaan,kami ke city of tomorrow,
bukan sebab kat sane ade benda best2,tapi sebab sume orang xpenah pegi lg..
then,dalam hujan lebat,
destinasi terakhir sebelum memulangkan kereta,
kami ke the summit sebab huda xpenah pegi lagi..
and di sana dia shopping!!!
then berakhirla kegiatan di akhir lab kami..
well, walaupun lab mata sudah berakhir,
kami xsempat pegi mane2 memandangkan sume orang jaga pada weekend terakhir..
huhuhu..
sedih!
tapi xpe,
selepas bedah,kite plan bagi bagus ye teman2..

hurm..nape dipanggil happy family??
malu sebenarnya nak bercerita..
so, abaikan saja..
yang penting, sume orang hepy!!!


p/s: klu belum pernah ke kahyangan,sila la pegi..makanan thai..bumbunya sgt sedap,sampai nou menjilat jari..tapi tomyam xde la maknyus sgt..overall, best!!

Monday, May 10, 2010

:+:+: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY :+:+:


IT'S BEEN 7 YEARS SINCE THE DAY
THE DAY WHERE WE STILL JUST A GIRL
THE DAY WHERE EVERYTHING IS FULL OF SWEETNESS
THE DAY WHERE THERE'S FULL OF HOPE
THE DAY WHERE WE VOW
FOR AN EVERLASTING BOND

YES WE ARE NOT SISTERS
NOT IN BLOOD
BUT WE ARE SISTERS BY HEART

YOU YOU AND YOU
ALWAYS THERE FOR ME
SORROW AND JOY
EVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

WE MIGHT NOT IN THE SAME PLACE
NOT IN THE SAME LAND
NOT IN THE SAME CLOCK
BUT WE SHARE SAME MOON
AND THE SAME CLOUD

YOU YOU AND YOU
ARE THE BIGGEST PRESENTS ALLAH SENT ME
SO THAT I WONT BE ALONE TO FACE THE WORLD
AND MY ANGELS WHEN WE ARE IN HEAVEN
KHASANAH YUSWAN, CHE KU BAHIRAH AND HAZIRAH HASHIM

^^HAPPY FRIENDSHIP ANNIVERSARY^^

:: MOTHER'S DAY ::


semalam is mother's day
biasanya saya selalu excited dgn mother's day
1month before cam da prepare for mother's day
but since i'm here,
a wish and a pray for my mother is da only thing i can do..

tapi kesah sedihku,
semalam xdapat call ibu..
diorg gi genting since sabtu coz maybank ade family day..
so igtkan xnak kacau diorg, nak call ibu mlm..
lagipun saya oncall malam td..igtkan nak call tym gi spital,
tapi topup xmasuk2 pun..
STRESS!!!
last2 kul 10 gi balik kat 9lbh gi balik kat kedai tu..
tapu sedihnye,
ibu da tido..
huhuhuhuhu
da la sempat wish kat FB je..
after dat bru msg ibu..

MUM,
im so sorry!!
i dont make a card for u this year,
i dont bake a cake for u this year,
i dont kiss u on ur cheek this year,

but

i want u to know
i always pray for u
for ur health
for ur wealth(hehe)

mum,
thanks sgt sebab sgt bersabar dgn kerenah angah!
thanks sgt sbb even anak ibu ni xtinggi aman,rendang je lebih,ibu still syg angah
thanks sgt sbb always be there for me..
u are my best best friend,
u always be there for me,
even when u are sick,
and im so sorry coz for 23 years u have to spend a lot for me
hehehhehehehhe
sayang ibu lebih

looking at you at this age,
i always wonder,
can i be as good as u, as great as u when im a mother later,
coz i know u are such a toughest mother in this world,
and i do hope i have those strength
even i dont have ur eye, ur nose, ur hair, ur skin,
but i do pray i have ur strength..

MUM,
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
not only yesterday,but,
EVERY SINGLE DAY..


I LOVE MY MUM

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

sooooooooooooo happy

tak tahu kenapa terasa sangat happy lately
u know something
when im soooooooooooooooo happy
i'm so lazy to write..
hehe..
sorry..

besides, next week nak exam..
plus kne oncall extra gara2 cabut undi punya pasal..
so,dats mean,
no holiday before surgery.
coz i will spend my weekend at ER..
may Allah bless me!

s

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

ophthalmology


haaa...hhaaaa...hhachooooo.....

fuhh..bersawang sedikit blog aku nmpaknye..leh nampak sawang2 kat sudut2 blog..da la update tym selsema,bertambah2 la bersin aku..

hurm...sian kat blog, diabaikan selama beberapa kurun..

act byk benda nak update..banyak benda yg korang da miss utk dicerita..
cehh..xde la byk sgt..just kesah2 aku grads ritu,kesah2 family aku dtg..yg tu kte postponed dl sbb memerlukan byk masa dan tenaga nak cerita, dan skrg aku ade masa sikejap je sbb tgh tggu nak mandi..ngeh ngeh..

sedar xsedar, ni minggu ke2 aku di IKM(ilmu kesihatan Mata)- ophthalmology..masa masuk 1st day tu, blank sgt sbb xbace pape pn b4 tu..haha..sendiri cari pasal,then 1st day da jumpe prof wisnu..da la tanye macam2,tp besa la,1st day,dimaafkan..kehkeh..tp da masuk minggu kedua ni, aku still rase aku paling sedikit membaca berbanding member2 aku yg laen..huhu..camana ni..

takat hari ni, da dua kali aku oncall..and total aku oncall selama sebulan di mata ni is 8kali..banyak gile tu wei...utk lab kecik la..besa nye 4x je,tapi memnadangkan batch o5 xde, so jatah jaga byk sket la..huhuhu...ape x nye cam xde amsa nk study, sekali aku jaga, mau 2 3 hari nk recover penat,then skrg wat responsi,then sok lusa da jaga balik..huhuhuhu...
tapi best!!aku suke!xtahu la sbb kami bersemangat coz ini pertama kali oncall, tapi semakin byk pasien, semakin byk ilmu..tapi paling xtahan, prosedur nye la..kdg2 1pasien ambik masa 2 jam..huhu...cam sabtu malam tu, dapat tido sejam je, ari kul 5pg smpi 6pg..kul 6pg da stat sbuk nk cek balik pasien yg konsul dari bedah, sbb nak buat operasi jahit palpebra die..

tapi yg wat aku xsuke oncall is, aku nye penyakit..aku ni da la cepat masuk angin..bile da tgh mlm, perut mst rase lapa balik..then cepat je nk cramp..pastu mula la rase angin masuk..huhu..da pagi je,perut aku da kembung..distended gile, gara2 penuh angin..huhuhu...

skrg da masuk minggu kedua ni, kami diberi tugas responsi and melawat rumah sakit mata undaan..responsi tu, is presentation kasus..semalam doc da bg pasien tym kat poli..and pasien aku adalah glaukoma akut..then td da stat berjalan2 ke rumah sakit mata undaan..kami harus ke sana tuk lihat teknologi2 mata yg xde kat soetomo...tadi dpt tgk operation LASIK...yg laser operation tu, klu org rabun sgt, wat laser ni,trus leh nampak terang benderang..
then aku gi bagian diagnostik..terpegun tgk FFA(fundus fluorescent angiography)..ade OCT(ocular coherence tomography) gak, tp td xde pasien, so xleh tgk camne benda tu bekerja..
sok pegi lagi undaan..yeya yeay!!hehe

ok la..cam oanjang lak update...nak gi mandi dl..nnt bile2 cheq update eh..
xoxo

Thursday, April 1, 2010

sudah sudah lah

di saat tengah menuklis blog ni
kepala sakit sangat
terasa aliran darah beredar dar frontal ke occipital melalui temporal
hurm..sambil dengar lagu khatimah cinta by sixth sense..sbb tu tajuknye sudah sudah la..
tapi bukan tu yg ceq nak cita kat sini..xdak kaitan dgn lirik lagu tersebut..

tetibe je ceq jadik stress..stress memikirkan manusia manusia yang sudah hilang harga dirinya sebagai manusia..Allah jadikan manusia lebih baek dari binatang, tapi bile jadik benda cmni, ceq pun xtahu nak bezakan binatang dengan manusia da..

semalam ceq tgk satu video kat facebook..kawan ceq yg share,so ceq tgk ja la..sapa xtgk lg,leh la tgk..pasal accident kat stesen minyak jalan cheras..meninggal seorang lelaki ni,die xnampak pn ape yg ade kat belakang die,di waktu die nak masuk balik keta lepas isi minyak, dgn sekelip mata je keta terbabas dgn laju merempuh die dari belakang..yang bawak keta tu lak pompuan umur baru 23thn, tgh mabuk..

pastu,smlm jugak group thila 1st time wat otopsy..dari kul 4.20ptg smpi 10.40 mlm baru abes otopsi..kes pembunuhan..seorang pembantu rumah tangga,mati ditusuk dan dikelar leher xsalah, gara2 ade org nk merompak umah majikan die,then die ternampak, perompak langsung bunuh die..10 tusuk pulak tu..just sebab nak merompak die sanggup bunuh camtu..

sehari sebelum tu pun ade kes mutilasi..xde kepala..da banyak da kes mutilasi sekarang..dasyat2..

then last week tym ceq ke crime scene..seorang nenek dibunuh dgn kejam,siap jari nye dipotong gara2 nak curik cincin nenek tu..subang die pun abes da kne kebas..

kat malaysia toksah duk cakap la..kes buang bayi je skrg...xtahu nak cakap cmne..ntah nape suke sgt klu bab2 jenayah ni kne ngetrend..satu kes naek,trus timbul byk kes..cam ujan lebat..nak reda nye ntah bile..

arghh..camne nak elok sakit pale..menulis sambil stress..haha..stress esok patutnye cuti tp kne sekola..2jam je pulak tu..da nak sekola,ambik trus 5 6 jam..tp sok kne standby otopsi..rase2 ade korban x sok eh?hurm..cam xde mood je sejak semalam..xtahu nape..nak akte nak demam,badan je yg xkuat..nextweek da stat exam lak tu...
okes2..study..tp mlm ni nk tido dulu..sakit sudah kepala ku ini..



Monday, March 29, 2010

forensik owh forensik


ceq igt, bila ceq tulis kat blog ni, ceq xmau la tulis pasal study ceq..xtau la napa ceq xmau tulis pasal study ceq..tapi kan, tapi kan.. ni baru masuk minggu kedua ceq kat forensic department..so,ceq xtau nk cita apa lg klu bukan pasal forensic, memandangkn ceq duk ngadap forensic ari2..ceq pun cam xcaya jaa ceq study hari2..hahaha..sebab bosan xde buat apa sementata nk tunggu mayat..

meh sini ceq nak cita pasal minggu pertama and pasal hari pertama minggu kedua ceq kat forensik ni..

minggu pertama, pengalaman paling besh adalah; ceq dapat gi crime scene, atau orang kat sini sebut TKP a.k.a tempat kejadian perkara.. masa hari pertama tu, dr.warih ada habaq, klu TKP ni kita jarang dapat..so, klu kita dipanggil, jgn segan2 nak volunteer pi ke TKP..ceq lupa la hari apa ceq gi TKP.. hari khamis xsalah ceq.. lokasi di Tambaksari..xjauh dari spital..kasusnye adalah pembunuhan..masa mula2 sampai tu, cuak gak ceq, sbb ramai sgt org kerumun TKP..sebuah rumah dan dijadikan kos jugak..korban adalah seorang nenek..ceq tgk keadaan korban, ceq rasa sedih sgt, sape la xberhati perut nk bunuh nenek tu, pastu siap potong jari nenek tu semata2 nak ambik cincin kat jari..ish ish ish..besok nye, kuar kat koran Surya, headline depan ' kerana cincin, jari nenek dipotong'..tp pengalaman tu besh la..sbb first time ceq tgk depan mata camne diorg ambik bekas tapak kaki, bekas fingerprint a.k.a sidik jari..

minggu kedua bermula tadi..and ceq nye group oncall otopsi td..semalam pun kami oncall, tapi xdak pn doc call gtau ada otopsi..padahal da get ready dari pulang ke rumah smpi la tido ke petang..henset letak sebelah tinge jaa,kot2 doc call ade otopsi..tapi hari ni, dgn keyakinan bahwa ade otopsi, makanya, baru jam 8.30 pg, mmg da diberitahu ade otopsi..kami pun pi la tukar baju..pki baju jaga, and siapkan universal precaution..pki baju hujan,showercap,glove 2 3lapis,siap plastik balut kaki..pokoknye make sure xde lubang..sbb salah satu syarat melakukan otopsi adalah; semua pasien dianggap pasien HIv, supaya kite lbh berhati2..
mula2 rase tension sbb group lagi satu yg otopsi sama kami, berlagak ja..konon senior..xhabaq pn kat kami nak bahagi2 tugas..mula2 depa duk conquer tgh, kononnya nak buat lebih..tapi lepas bukak jantung; ceq mmg nak buat jantung pun..ceq pn ckp kuat2 ceq nk buat jantung..tp pas organ suma da bukak, group yg td ntah ke mana ntah..tggal mamat dlm group depa ja..sudah nya otopsi organ,byk gorup kami yg wat..ceq smpi dpt 3 organ..
owh, lupa nak cite..depa ni excited bukan amen nk otopsi,nk conquer sume, tp xbace dl buku otopsi..mmg la kna ada yang baca.. tp xkan smpi nak bukak toraks pn nk kna baca..adoii...2la, igt kami junior kami xreti ka??ni pun duk buat visum, suma group kami..depa bukan nk mintak copy kat kami..xpa la, yang pandai nnt kami..

k la..ceq da penat bercerita..nnt2 la ceq cita lg..klu ade benda menarik nk cita..cita pasal orang gila pun bes gak ni..adess..

oke,adios..xoxo

Saturday, March 20, 2010

22 march 2010 - 4 september 2011


huhu..lusa da nak memulakan tugas sebagai dokter muda..excited campur cuak..
sudah bersediakah memasuki alam DM??
kite xkan tahu sehingga kite mengalaminya..
so, berikut adalah rotation sy selama 1thn setengah
semoga sy sentiasa tabah mengharung dunia DM!
amin..

[22mac-18april = FORENSIC] [19april-16mei = MATA] [17mei - 11june = BEDAH]

[ 12june- 5sept = IKM] [ 6sept-3okt = JIWA] [4okt-31okt = THT]

[ 1nov-28nov = ANESTESI] [ 29nov-26dec = KULIT] [ 27dec-20feb = OBSGYN]

[ 21feb-17april = ANAK] [18feb-15mei = SARAF] [16mei-24july= INTERNA]

[25july-7aug = CUTI] [ 8aug-21aug = RADIOLOGY] [ 22aug-4sept = FARMASI]

perkara yg best dari jadwal tersebut:
sy memulakan dgn lab yg kecik dl..forensic boleh dikatakan santai..
saya suke jadwal ni,sbb lab besar xbertumpuk sgt
FARMASI di akhir sekali..sgt suke

yg xbest:
tym world cup sy akan di BEDAH, jadik sure bz..huhu
tym bulan puasa tahun ni, saya IKM..sedih nye...berpuasa di luar kota..
cuti saya da ujung sgt..


tapi, saya sgt suke dan bersyukur dgn jadwal kelompok saya..yeay!!



p/s; yg tulisan besar and warna oren adalah lab2 yg major..ade 5sume..huhu

:: because of you ::

Where ever you've wondered
If you touch my soul
I see clearly

Sometimes clearly I'm not the same
You bring life to everything I do

Just the way that you say hello
With one touch I can't let go

Never thought I'd fall in love with you

Because of you
My life has changed
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring

Because of you
I feel no shame
I'll tell the world
It's because of you

Sometimes I get lonely
And all I gotta do is think of you
You captured something inside of me
You make all of my dreams come true
It's not enough that you love me for me
You reached inside and touched me internally

I love you
And it explains how you feel

Magically your eyes
True love I can't deny
You hold me
I just lose control

I walk into your road
That I'm never letting go
You mean so much to me
I want the world to see
It's because of you


p/s: im started to love this song since 2006,when i bought cd of 'Bcoz Of You'
3 different love stories but become one..
and the main actor and actress is Diether Ocampo and Kristine Hermosa..
huhu..i just love them both..

Monday, March 15, 2010

::::very ambitious person ::::

hurm
seperti tajuk di atas, saya just nak share dgn para pembaca blog tentang impian2 saya sejak kecil sampai sekarang..sharing is caring..haha
anda akan tahu betapa ambitious nye saya, seperti yg dikatakn tentang saya bile merujuk kepda tarikh lahir atau ape2 la..org gak cakap, org kecik2 ni,badan kecik,tapi jiwa besaq..klu leh sume nak capai..tapi kecik di sini,bile merujuk pada saya, ianya merujuk pada kerendahan saya,bukan size,haha..sbb saya xpenah kecik..hahah

okes..meh nak cite ape je impian saya di masa depan dan nape saya suke?anda akan tahu macam mane impian ini terwujud..haha

saya teringin nak bukak restoren sendiri
ini diilhamkan selepas saya mengetahui bahwa saya sgt suke memasak..suke memasak wujud apabila sejak azali saya sgt suke makan..makcik pakcik sedara suke bawak sy berjalan2 kecik2 dl,sbb diorg ckp sy xmmbazir bile order mknn..sure abes..hahah..then,sejak pas PMR saya da belajar masak..sifu sy adalah wan sy..then smpi skrg, ibu sy pn stil ajar sy masak..nape sy nak bukak restoren?sbb saya suke bg org mkn..dan sy bukan hanya mementingkn untung, tp bg sy, kualiti dan cita rasa sgt penting..ewah ewah..cam pengkritik lak..dan sy rase byk pahala bile bg org makan dgn hati yg ikhlas..insya Allah rezeki dipermurah..dan sy sgt suke bile org puas hati dgn makanan sy, dgn harga yg berpatutan..kepuasan pelanggan amat kami utamakan..terima kasih! dan sy masih berdoa impian saya ni tercapai..

saya teringin nak bukak kedai kek
haha..like father like daughter..nape??ayah ku kan pesara tentera..jgn xtahu,ayah saya jugak penah bukak bakeri and kedai kek..walau xlame,tapi sy penah ade pengalaman wat kek sendiri waktu 11 thn lg..tapi klu xde org beli,sy akan bawak balik mkn..hehe..and smpi skrg sy suke buat kek..walaupun hakikatnye uols, saya xberapa suke makan kek..but i love to make it!so much!! maybe i like the design..lg2 kalau kek kawen..wah wah,seyes, makin membuak nak jadi tukang buat kek..movie fevret sy, 'because i said so', sgt menginspire saya..huhu..seyes,kek dalam cite tu sgt best!!buat kek ni pun memerlukan kreativiti ye,kawan2..sy belum terbukti ade bakat,tapi klu teman rapat,mereka sedia maklum saya mempunyai imaginasi yg sgt tinggi sehingga susah nak diterjemahkan..hahahaha..apetaknye,keje mimpi je aku ni~

saya teringin nak bukak kedai interior design..
wah wah~ seyes xtipu!seperti membuka restoren, saya juga masih belum menguburkan hasrat saya..maybe sy kuarkn modal,tp sy hire la designer..haha..teringat alasan nak masuk UTM dl..mane yg xtahu,b4 datang indonesia ni,saya penah blaja kat UTM ambik architecture..nk ambik interior,terlalu sempit mungkin,sbb menjurus pd satu, so ibu pn cdgkn try je nasib ambik architecture..so,sume blaja..tp nk wat cmne..xde jodoh..tp impian tetap impian!ayo semangat!!

saya teringin nak bukak salun
hahha..gile la..nk tahu nape? sbb saya suke wat hairdo..bukan takat suke,tp sy juga berminat dgn hairstyle..tym kat sekola dl,sy la natara tukang gunting rambut kpd kawan2, dan diri sendiri..smpikan f5, dr awal smpi last,sy potong rambut sendiri..ngadap cermin berjam2..hahatp skills da agak berkurang skrg,sbb da jarang potongkn rambut..tp klu hairdo,sape member yg rambut panjang,akan jadik mangsa sy tuk saya wat dendan@tocang..suke sgt wat tocang lipan..and suke pelbagaikan..

saya teringin nak bukak kedai bunga
haha..zulaika zulaika...saya sgt suke bunga,walaupun sejrahnye,kecik2 sy kurang menunjukkan minat pd bunga, walaupun kebanyakan gambo kecik2 dl pose kat bunga tahi ayam..sejak ade someone bg sy ros,ros merah ok!..sejak dari tu sy sgt suke bunga..and xlame pastu sy sgt suke bunga ros biru..and sy pun sgt suke bab2 mengubah bunga..klu kat umah tu,sy and ibu akan menjadi interior design, sekaligus mengubah bunga..sy teringin nak ade laman yg penuh dgn ros..wah wah..nape la kat umah aku susah nk hidup klu tanam ros..huhu

saya teringin nak jadik wedding planner
haha..seyes,mmg sgt berminat!! all about wedding attracts me..even my mum knows i had a dream bout this..klu la sy berada di negara 4musim, sure sy sgt membuak nk jadik planner..tp kat msia kan cam xmenyerlah sgt..huhu..

okes..cukup la takat ni..nnt uols xlarat nk bace.. kesimpulannye, semua impian saya terwujud dari passion sy dlm setiap yg sy minat dr kehidupan sehari2 saya..berapa yg terwujud,kite saksikan nnt..org kate, klu nak seribu daya, apsti akan ada jalan..
segala sesuatu, akan tercapai; bermula dari kite niat..selepas tu kite usaha..so, takat ni saya mampu niat je dl..usaha tu, dari segi practice sehari2 je la kot..selebihnye, kite tunggu lame sket..
don't just make it a dream, make it happen!
chaiyo!chaiyo! haha


p/s: sangat berharap ade orang propose dgn bouquet of blue roses

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

i love to be here

hurm..mesti anda tertanya2 'here' di atas merujuk kepada ape..

well,hari ni hari ke-3 PRADIK (pengantar pra pendidikan)..and hari ni jugak ade penutupan dan post test.. and alhamdulillah saya lulus post test..

tym pradik ni la,kami,dokter2 muda yang baru mengorak langkah setapak ke hadapan (ayat cam wat esei spm) menuju dunia RS (rumah sakit aka hospital), diberi pendedahan dan gambaran awal mengenai RS dan aturan nya.. kami belajar mengenai tindakan medik yang berakibat sanksi hukum, tentang 'patient's safety', transfusi rasional, komunikasi antara dokter muda dan pasien,perawat dan petugas lainnya..tapi, ade satu sesi di mana saya sgt terharu sekali dan sgt bersemangat..yaitu sesi 'LAYANAN SEPENUH HATI'.. terima kasih dr. Agus Ali Fauzi, sebab wat saya lebih ikhlas dan lebih berseida menggalas beban di bahu..

saya belajar banyak sangat waktu tu..bukan saje perkara baru, tp perkara yg lame tapi mungkin terlupa, atau perkara lama dan dikuatkn lg ingatannye..
saya belajar yang menjadi seorang dokter bukan utk dimegah2..dr.agus pesan, jgn harapkan org hormat kite,slagi kite xhormat mereka dl..
saya belajar, layan la pasien seperti subjek, yakni hamba Allah yang setara dgn kita, kerana dari dia lah kite belajar, dan kerana die adalah guru..
saya belajar, jangan pernah mengharapkan sesuatu dari org laen, tapi kite harus memberi..beri lah sebanyak mungkin..
saya belajar, jadilah problem-solver, bukan trouble-maker..mengingatkan sy pada suatu pelajaran, 'jangan pernah susahkan orang laen,kelak kite akan disusahkan di akhirat kelak'..
saya belajar, hidup hendaklah sentiasa menolong orang lain..byk kai dr.agus ulang perkataan tu..saya akan igt doc..dgn segala ekspresi,saya akan sentiasa menolong orang!
saya belajar, bahagiakan la orang lain, nescaya kite pasti bahagia..

banyak lagi yang saya belajar..banyak yang menyedarkan saya..mungkin dulu ade sedikit keraguan apekah ini jalan yang terbaek untukku?? tapi lepas mengharungi 7semester, dan hampir melangkah sebagai dokter muda, dan setelah melalui sesi bersama dr.agus tadi, ade terlintas di hati saya, inilah yang saya mahu..inilah yang terbaek dalam hidup saya..

orang kate, hidup ini singkat, so nikmatilah sepuasnye..camne cara kite menikmati hidup kite?
mungkin ini cara saya..berbagi rasa senang dan susah bersama orang lain, membawa cerita saya utk dikongsi, membantu mereka yang memerlukan saya, dan paling penting, membuat mereka bahagia dan tersenyum! saya sukakan senyuman..ketahui lah, senyuman lah benda pertama yg buat saya tertarik dgn seseorang!haha..lari tajuk sket..

so, sebab tu saya suke berada di 'sini'..


p/s: dr.agus asyik pesan, kite ken selalu senyum! dan die suruh practice sebut 'siji' 1000x sehari..haha..biar belah kanan ngan belah kiri same je lebar nye..haha

Sunday, March 7, 2010

akhirnya K.A.M.I ke B.A.L.I

pemandangan dari tebing di Uluwatu

first of all, rase teruja sgt nak cite pasal trip kali ni..tapi terasa cam xde la nk detail cam yg sy penah cite b4 ni..haha...
hurm,meh nak bgtau dulu sejarah camne plan ke Bali..kami plan trip ni since semester 3 lagik,sbb tym tu la sume org sedang bergiat ke Bali..sape2 yg xpernah pegi lagi,plg awal pun sem 2 gaknye da gi bali..so,kami ni just menyimpan perasaan je la memandangkan timing yg betul xdpt2..bile ade amsa,xde duit lak..bile ade duit,xde masa lak..haha..tp last sem mmg da janji,walau camne pun,b4 DM(dokter muda), kne gak gi Bali..so,memandangkan b4 masuk DM ni byk la pulak aktiviti campus yg diselangi dengan cuti yg agak lame which is seminggu,so kami pun decide pegi tym ni..semasing pun bukannye ade duit sgt..tp sbb nak gi gak,redah je la..asalkan menjejakkan kaki ke Bali..haha
camtu jugak la saya..dr dulu tu,mmg berhasrat nak ke Bali..tp xtahu pun ape yg ade kat sane..plg pun,selalu dgr Kuta and Denpasar..yg laen xtahu..haha..so,bile da sampai sane, baru la plan2 nak gi mane..org laen pun same..xtahu nk gi mane...tapi kami lebih memilih aktiviti melihat nature drp menghabiskan duit bermaen waterpark atau masuk ke tempat2 yg mmerlukan biaya yg byk..
oke,menghabeskan duit tuk waterpark,walaupun kami xnak,tapi kami mmg dari awal da ade budget tuk maen,sekurang2nye 1 game..tp besa la,plan xselalunye menjadi..gi kat Nusa Dua,bincang2,atlast kami sepakat nak try scuba diving,coz alang2 da ade chance,why not?it's just like a dream come true..yeah,mmg dari kecik teringin sgt nak diving..and thank god coz diving xmemerlukan ketrampilan berenang,sbb kami mmg xreti berenang..tapi,plg best, sy and aimi try FLYING FISH..memandangkan parasailing kne tunggu cuaca bagus..igtkan xseronok sgt,tp,wa cakap sama lu, gile best!!! terbang2 di udara..whoaa..
kami xmacam pelancong laen,sbb yg laen sure pegi byk tempat..kami just ade budget tuk sewa travel selama 1hari je..so,xleh gi byk tempat..tp kami sgt puas hati..sbb tempat yg kami pegi pun sgt indah..best jugak xgi byk tempat, so dat keinginan nak dtg lg stil membuak2..sbb nak gi tempat laen..and klu pasni gi lagi,i'll make sure Lovina will be da 1st place to visit!
so, one checkpoint had been ticked! pasni nak gi tempat lg jauh..and memerlukan budget yg agak byk..so,pas abes blaja je la nmpk nye tuk next checkpoint!

the backpackers

aimi: mastermind..
die yg carik travel and usha tmpt2 ape je yg best
thila: jadik kakak,sbb die tolong mnjaga someone..sape?usha bawah..
nou: budak plg manja..rase nak sekeh je die..muntah2 pada hari kedua..ade la nk kat 5x or lebih..haha..
saya: backpackers plg cool..cam sy penunjuk arah je..memandangkan tiap kali berjalan sy yg plg depan..haha

Saturday, March 6, 2010

:: Anything For You ::

If there were a single sacred rose
On a mountain top that grows
Where nobody ever dares to go
For you I’d climb that mountain high
I would reach up to the sky
If that rose was your desire

Don’t you know that I
Would do anything
Would do anything
For you
I would do anything
Would do anything
Anything for you

For you, I would sail the seven seas
Walk the deserts in between
Just to bring you anything you need
Nothing could ever be too much
Anything to show my love
‘Cos it gives me strength enough

Don’t you
Don’t you
Don’t you know that I
Would do anything
Would do anything
For you
You know that I
Would do anything
Would do anything
Anything for you

For you I would take on any trial
And I would walk on through the fire
You give me strength enough to face it all
You make me feel invincible

‘Cos I would do anything
Anything for you
You know that I
Would do anything
Would do anything
Anything for you

These things are nothing to
All the things you do for me
You are my dream come true

A love I never knew you see
I’d take on a mountain high
Just to see you smile for me
You make me want to be
The very best that I can be

I would do anything
Anything for you
You know that I
Would do anything
Would do anything
Anything for you